Dance Until You Die

Dancing - Something that needs no reasons, no excuses, no fundas, no nothing. It is that feeling when all you want to do is set yourself loose, amidst all the strings attached. It lays down a walk to remember, a stage to express, a moment to cling, a capture to frame, a life to hold on. It is then when you are free to skip what you OUGHT to do, and rather continue with what you WANT to do. How hard can that be eh? But I do hear folks say, 'Dance? Heck noo! I don't dance.' No problem. It's not that you would die if you don't dance, but you won't live either. For dancing is equal to breathing. Breathing in that gush of air, stuck behind your rusted window. The air that helps you float above all the mediocrities of your sick life and allows you to fly to your heart. And so, obviously, I like dancing. Did I say like? I love dancing. Not that I am always tapping my feet, but when I do, it's like an another world to me. The one with no qualms whatsoever. And I would live it like a second birth. Yes, I would pant, pant hard. But the dance would continue with me. Because my dance would make up for oxygen. And not just that, it would make up for every trite worry criss-crossing my head. Such is the impact. Now, who wouldn't fall for that?
Get done with dealing, and start living your life. Dance until you pour out sweat, you will still go on feeling fresh. Dance until your head fails to command, you will still feel the urge to move. Dance until your heart stops singing, you will still hear the beats. Dance until you die, and you will have lived it. Easy to say, you think? Easier to dance, I tell you.

Ready to fill in the blank?

Happy Ending

We have folks fighting over freedom, sustenance, dominion, harmony, equity and what-nots, and then there are people who are busy fighting over fondness, and even more over self. Now what could be more importunate than having someone clamor about the lack of empathy shown to him? Or rather someone going all about the tiffs spared for him? Of course there may be other issues to mind, but when your psyche gets psyched, nothing and nobody matters.
Yes, we do have one of those days. All of us. When we begin burning in self-esteem, begin uttering things-kept-down, begin to keep scores, begin to hatch a feud, begin a lone trip. We all do that. Someday, sometime. Or maybe every time? And then we have those much awaited face-offs.
The point of all this you ask? A little over the top ‘small-talk’, punches and pillows flying everywhere, screams (did I mention abuses?) bursting out of those windows, silence between those sighs and heavy-breaths, and of course the ______ endings.
There could be well so many reasons for the entire fix. And there would be no point in gunning for those. But the logic says, you either strive to stick or to skin. And there is always, always a choice. We do need to go for the latter when it’s about time to put an end to those torturous insecurities. And we do need to go for the former when you know deep down that the schism is not worth it. But the most important of all is to make sure that we are headed for a happy ending. Regrets are sure going to be a part of anything and everything. Reasoning with those qualms or overlooking them is a big headache, and ours only. Striving would go on, so would the logic to strive. So go ahead, that space there is yours to fill. Before anything, make sure you have a happy ending to fill in there and the rest could be taken care of.

Ambition

And, we have this big question lying before us all the time, "So what's your plan? Your goal in life?" You might retire someday, but the question never retires. And the funny part is that we might answer it a thousand times, but we never really catch up with the right thing to say. You answered someone today. One year from now, and you'll see that your answer changed. And it will keep changing till your last breath. Because in this one life, we keep changing and so do our ambitions. Every moment that we live, we unknowingly take an aim. We might not know it, but we keep chasing it. Ambitions are made and destroyed every second. But each time the question is put up, we fail to come up with a conclusion. So then why bother? Like do we really need to scratch our head for getting the most impressive, just out-of-the-world answer to this? Why can't we stop torturing people with this 'small chat' and let them be! Like does it really help? No. Instead it suffocates you inside. Once said, it becomes a liability and time and again your ambition keeps haunting you. We are told "Know your check posts, your ambitions and you'll save your time". Ah dude! Half of the time we waste upon thinking and finding the answer to 'what is our damn ambition'. Of course, we do everything on a purpose. But knowing the purpose isn't that important; living the moment is. Yeah, it's good to follow your aspirations, but wouldn't it be better to follow your heart? If your heart says yes, then do it. Don't stop thinking for a WHY. And most importantly, don't let anybody else stop you. Do what you feel is best to do that moment. But don’t come down on what you want just because you think you have your ambition in your way. Plus don’t plan your course in a double-quick. In fact don’t plan at all I’d say. Come to think of it. You like Math. But do you just want to be a Math-lover? You like to play with pictures. But do you just want to be a photographer? You like to write. But do you just want to be trapped between those deadlines? You like to work for social and political causes. But do you just want to be a socialist? Or a politician? You like being a CS/IT guy. But do you just want to have a desk job? You like to earn. But do you just want money and that 10-to-8 hour thing? You're retired. But do you just want to stay put? Guess what? We never want just one thing. Our desiderata never come to an end and never really stay the same. All we ever want is a life worth living. That is our ‘ambition’ for real. And for that you don't need to have a pre-checked list of targets or you don't need to measure your margins; you only need to know if you're happy. To take what comes and then pour your soul into it would be a better thing to do rather than just going on to fulfill your said ambition with less intention and more habit. Because at the end, ambitions won't matter, but the content on your worn-out face and the smile between your wrinkles will.

My phone beeped~ "Pick up your pen". It was raining hard. The window called out for me. I'd have fallen for that easily, and I did. It was only 5 minutes but it's amazing what an erratic reflection can mean.

Rain

When it rains, our ground seems to be slithering a bit. But actually, the duds and chattels lying on the ground skim with the flow. Every little while, the rain comes and takes away every tiny bit of ground with it. But the ground never complains. Doesn’t it ever get attached with all the baggage lying there? Why would it? The ground never gets to choose. It is the rest who plunk down simply anything on their walk without a second look. And the ground never complains. So when the rain washes it all away, the ground just gets to watch. Neither the ground gets tired nor the rain. The beauty lies in the fact that neither of them interferes in another’s gig. Can’t we go about the same way? Do your job. Don’t care about the world. Our devoirs, our concerns are all a part of the network. If the propinquity brings sorrow, it brings happiness too. To accept without hashing over it, is not equal to fail. Sometimes, being a mute beholder is the best thing to do. Need help? Watch the ground. And then, watch the rain.

"Stick to the rope, and the rope will stick to you" - that's what it's all about.

HUNG UP?

"Oh it's been enough with this mess all around me. Can't do this no more. Can't be this no more.."
Isn't that you? You did hung up eh? Already? And why is that? Only because these damn pricks never left your way? Or because you never really could learn to handle 'em? So I guess all those damn pricks played better than you. There you are. With a 'did-I-have-a-choice' face. Yes monsieur! You did have a choice. All you had to do was stand in there as long as there was nothing and no one to say 'hello'. All you had to do was take it up and finish it with the same ecstasy, leaving no space for 'ifs' and 'buts'. All you had to do was get the urge to pick yourself from the dirt, each time you made a slip. All you had to do was be yourself and keep it on, with a grin backing you up. Not that easy? It is said that if it's easy to get, it's easier to forget. Be the devil. And fight like never before. Don't fear the worst. What if this doesn't work? What if I fail? What if I get stuck for nothing? What if I never get a second chance? YOU NEVER KNOW IT ALL. But how are you going to get the answers if you just don't do it? Only for the sake of those countless answers, step up and stand out. Run with a force so hard that even the wind would shy away. Forget the 'where to..?'; just know the 'where from..?' and you are good to go. Don't even know where to start from? Even better! You have the freedom to choose a job that suits you best. If you can't pick any one then close your eyes and make a grip. Whatever gets in there, is the place you need to start from. Don't let the past come in your way. Cherish the happy and the not-so-happy moments, because all of 'em, mind you, ALL of 'em helped you get to this place from that place. Only now you need another take-off to move further. Once you take a start, forget all the crap about destination or else you'd never get there. It's true. Because all the worries and tension would make you gulp even more. And that'd only get your pace down. If you do manage to reach the journey's end carrying the backpack of nags and pain on your shoulders, the sweat, the cramps, the wrecking nerves won't be able to make up for the calm you'll want to seek. So get over the headaches and begin the stroll to just 'anywhere'. Even if there's no finish line, there'd be a turn down there. Just take what comes and give what it takes. You'll know what's it like to run on wings rather than feet. From now, in everything you do, break in like a beast. Just remember - It's okay to fall, it's better to rise again and it's best to make it all count.

For the usual buds.

'Criticism' - How do you take it? Something to scare me of? Something to rub my nose at? Something to shut me out? Then know this - If you're right (really?), that doesn't make me wrong. And your all-the-time-criticism just ruins each time, your chances of being right. When following the same question, you find my answer absurd. But who do you think you are? Nevertheless you keep uttering shit. You think you can shoo me away with that? Well, get out of your illusion babe. Because after all this time, I now know that there are people (or shall I say debauchees?), who still do not know the 'real' criticism. You say, I hear. The day I'll reply, you won't just hear. And if it's just going to be a matter of 'bitching' and 'bickering', then you need to find some other brains to screw. Because I am pretty much occupied here, with people who are well above the line of jealousy-in-the-name-of-criticism. And talking about criticism, if you ever need a critic, DO NOT come to me. If you're smart (which I doubt), you'd know what I mean.

P.S. I figured you'd need some coaching classes on 'how-not-to-talk-nonsense-all-the-time'. Google might help you with it.
Aah, no thanks needed. B-)

The title is inspired from my favorite girl Avril Lavigne's song 'Let Go'. And the rest is just my thing.

• 
  

  LET GO You're sidelined. You're sulky. You're drowned in fury. You need an outlet to pour everything out but, you just can't find one. You feel betrayed. You're teary. It all seems too hazy. You wait for clarity but, you just can't see through your eyes. You hate yourself to wait. You put your head up, with eyes swollen and heart broken, asking yourself if it's worth it. You keep asking the same question, and every time you ask, you regret it. Each time it's a weeping 'Yes'. You're tired. Longing for the wait to end. But all you do is wait. You get back to what you did, and you do everything to make it all look okay, but inside you're still waiting. All this wait makes you mad. But you don't show. It makes you negative. But you don't realize. It makes you sick with insecurity. But you hold back. It makes you stone hard. And you go on with it. You start liking it. It satisfies you, being indifferent. And you know now, that it's all changed. You hate things you loved. You don't give a shit for people you caressed. You aren't scared of being alone. You are far from chit-chats. Time and place have all changed. And so has life. Life is not the same. You are not the same. But there's something that is just the same. That inside, you're still waiting. You sigh. You decide to take the burden of this long 'wait' to your grave. Never for once you think of ending the wait. You only wait. Wait for that meaningless 'sorry' and useless 'please'. But why the wait? You could have gone out. You could have initiated. You could have solved it all. You could have let it all go. Then why the unnecessary torture? Because you wanted to hear, not say. You wanted to scream with anger, not cry with a 'sorry' or forgive with a 'that's okay'. You wanted to harm, not heal. You wanted it all. That's why the wait. Now when you're so negative, you just don't care if the wait ends. All you want to live with is the wound this never-ending wait gave you. And you wish to die feeling the same. But this isn't the real you. You didn't want this for you. You just didn't want to be the first one to let go. You waited only praying that it'd soon end. Instead you could've kept aside 'I' or 'me', talked it out, yelled and fought, then smiled silently and let it all go for 'we' and 'us'. And it's not too late. It is never too late. You can still make amends. You can be the first to do it. Honestly, it'd be a little harder than before, but it'd be worth it. The negative psyche may not allow you to do that. It'd throw many tantrums on the way. It is upon you to take them up or ignore 'em. Find a reason, find the will, find the positive light within that stone-cover, find the real 'you' and just a second is enough. Enough to end the wait. Enough to add some life in your life. Enough to realize what you have missed. Enough to break your walls. Enough to join the broken pieces. Enough to bring you back. So do yourself a favor and buy a second. You only need that one second. To let go.

Disasters strike when they're least expected. Forget the bigger ones, but every time we fail, are mocked, cursed or casted off, it's a disaster. These Lilliputian disasters contribute to our sapience. That said, below lies one such episode.

one bitter pill

Whoosh! As the wind of sudden outrage went past me

Thud! In a flash, I went down on my knee

Trying real hard to be able to understand

While staring down at the phone in my hand

Beep! What did just happen here?

Plop! So there went my first tear

And my head kept pounding with rage

Every second seeming to be an age

Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock! Who? Who was it?

Shaking all over, I couldn’t sleep, walk or just sit

Hush! All I could hear was the cicadas sing

And there I was, giving my head a wring

So somebody just got all stoned and boozed up

Hanging in there only to pour the tirade in my cup

Well, he did bark out loud proving his vanity

Putting a big question on his air and sanity

But I had my own people to stick up for me

Who’d just roar and he’d forget how to pee

The sun rose, and I had figured it out

The same old school-devil he was, no doubt

Well, it was wee tough to swallow

That he was still such a wretch and hollow

Never could survive with all the “thumbs-down”

“The Black Sheep” contest? He’d have won the crown

It was my turn, I figured, to end his bliss

Tipping him with no way to wriggle out of this
I wasn’t really calculating how to beat him up to death

But I surely wanted him to know how good was my Math

That if he could only just learn to stay away from me

I’d see to it that he’s bailed out of this for free
And that if he again lurks around somewhere near

He’d then go ‘boohoo’ and nobody would hear

The ‘sorry’ he gave me doesn’t mean a thing

I’m better off without it, ding dong ding

Forgotten all about the episode, have I?

Wouldn’t say nope, because that’d be a lie

But I sure now know what needs to be done

Gulping it down the throat such that there remains none
Oh my! I remember taking one bitter pill

And how I hated the thing and I always will.